Bex in the City

“Words are, in my not so humble opinion, our most inexhaustible source of magic.
Capable of both inflicting injury, and remedying it.” – Albus Dumbledore

Have you ever been in an argument, desperate to prove your point?
Angry about something someone did, only to watch them face no consequences?
Wanted to defend yourself, but knew it would fall on deaf ears?

Words can be beautiful, enlightening and give meaning where there is none. But words can also be cutting, vicious and ruthless.

 

I have been guilty of thinking my thoughts and opinions needed to be voiced and wanting to have the last word.
(Hello, here I am, writing a blog…)

I’ve wanted to correct someone when they gave an inaccurate fact.
I’ve wanted to dispel rumors about myself or others that I care about.
I’ve wanted to tell someone why what they were doing was wrong.
I’ve wanted to explain why my way was the best way.

But what’s my point here?

Some things just don’t need to be said.

 

Do you know why monks often take a vow of silence? There are a number of reasons, but two in particular strike me as the most poignant. One, they do it to condition the mouth to speak “rightly”. Making a conscious choice to not speak, helps to train them that by literally not saying everything that comes to mind, it will help keep out harmful words. They stay silent in order to pick out the best words to use. They speak with care, practicing self-control in the hope of preventing speaking words that could be hurtful to others or themselves.

The second, is to promote listening abilities; they train themselves to speak less and listen more. They are able to practice humility, have enhanced sensitivity and are able to truly hear when others speak, and understand what they say.

They’ve learned; some things just don’t need to be said.

 

In the not too distant past, I had someone call me a “mean girl”.  It was said in jest (I think), but it really struck me, and made me feel terrible.  Because I’ve genuinely tried to develop my character into someone that my mom and dad would be proud of; someone that generally thinks well of others and tries to understand, if not agree, with other perspectives.

I do this, because I’m not proud of my everything in my past. I’ve teased people I probably should not have, ignored someone that likely just needed a friend, and said things that I knew would hurt others.

And when you get down to the nitty gritty of it all, what is anyone (myself included) trying to achieve by gossiping, bullying, shaming, judging others? It’s a defense mechanism.  A way to make yourself feel better.

And I don’t know about you, but it never does actually make me feel better.

So, those things? Probably just didn’t need to be said.

 

Do you guys remember the scene in “She’s All That”, where Laney is participating in a modern interpretive arts performance, and it’s super weird, and Zach Siler is there watching and is totally perplexed and they end the performance with “Be silent, be still…. Be silent, be still”, and everyone in the audience just eats it up and totally “gets it”?

That movie was ahead of it’s time. It’s like it knew what was coming. That one day, people all over the world would be able to weigh in on what someone is wearing, what they said, how their hair is cut, and what they did last summer. We know. (See what I did there?! #crossover)

But what the audience members in the movie are resonating with, is the idea of silence. The idea of introspection. The process of thinking instead of reacting. Empathizing instead of condemning. Compassion rather than judgment. The idea that words are sometimes not needed. That not everything needs to be discussed, debated and shared among the masses.

Wise people are not always silent, but they know when to be. And that not everything needs to be said.

 

The subjects of shame, judgment, bullying, gossip, he said/she said and every other kind of murmuring exist everywhere, over the interwebs, social media, and in real life conversations.

Are you thinking about what you’re saying?
Does it serve a purpose?
Will it help or hurt someone?
Will it lift you up, and bring positivity into your life?
Will it encourage love rather than fear?
Or was your mother right, and if you have nothing good to say….. don’t say anything at all?

I can’t promise I’ll get it right every day, and I can’t promise I won’t still take videos of people doing ridiculous things, or post sarcastic comments and funny memes.
But I can promise to try and use my words wisely. Kindly. Deliberately.

In a world where everyone has something to say; say nothing.
You’ll be surprised what you hear, when you stop talking.

XOXO