Bex in the City

I went to see the new Jane Austen inspired movie “Love & Friendship” last night, as a part of my very bittersweet farewell tour. (I don’t recommend a bunch of “last” events like this. It’s waterworks, my friends, waterWORKS.)  The movie was so-so, but full of some awesome one liners.  But poignant to me, and as cheesy as it is…. all I could think about is how the last few weeks and days have shown me how much my life is truly filled with love and friendship.

Saying goodbye certainly doesn’t get any easier as you go down the list, but I have learned that you can run out of tears. Which doesn’t mean you care about those people who you don’t cry for any less; it’s just that there isn’t any emotion left. It’s numbing.  Although, when I do cry for hours on end, my eyes always look really blue and clear the next day, so I guess there’s that? But honestly, I cried A LOT.

It’s interesting to see how my various goodbyes have played out. Some have felt like a very final goodbye. Others more like a “see you in a few!” kind of moment. It’s terrifying to think that someone who means so much to you, might not feel the same. Some goodbyes didn’t happen, because I just ran out of time. Some weren’t emotional at all, and a good closing to a period of time. And some, made me feel SO blessed and so lucky for all the amazing people I have in my life.

Equally emotional, (but for very different reasons) has been the frustrations of suitcase and storage unit Jenga. I think I’ve packed each of my 3 suitcases about 4 times, switching back and forth different items… And hopefully now I’ve finally got it all figured out! And by “figured out”, I mean that one of my suitcases weighs 70 pounds. Don’t judge me!  You try packing all your clothes and shoes in three suitcases.  It’s an almost insurmountable feat, which I have accomplished, and as such, deserve some kind of award.

I think the hardest part about these last few days, has been that during all the farewells and final preparations, I’ve had many moments of doubt. Why am I doing this?? I have a great life! I love my job, my friends, my family close by, my car, my workout routine… I feel as though I’ve finally got a handle of my own life, and decided that this was the appropriate time to uproot everything? What was/am I thinking?
But I haven’t been able to shake the feeling that it will work out. That even with the doubts, it still feels like the right thing for me now.  A friend sent me this quote:
“Successful people have fear, successful people have doubts, and successful people have worries.  They just don’t let those feelings stop them.”

I can’t say what will happen over the next days, weeks, months, years.  But I do know that I’m embarking on an experience unlike any other, and something that I have always wanted, but never had the courage to do.  So, here’s to throwing caution to the wind.
Come along with me….whats to come will surely be full of happiness, heartbreak, triumph, sorrow, and every other emotion in between.  But most importantly, it’s a chance to be brave. A chance for adventure.  And just….. to live.

You know you love me….

XOXO

Sidenote, the cobbler was phenomenal. Grumpy, but phenomenal. Salt Lakers, go see him at Millcreek Shoe Rebuilders.